Wednesday, December 21, 2016


Last year, I made the (somewhat) bold decision to not send out Christmas cards.  It was for a variety of undramatic reasons, but mostly I just got tired of the "look at how perfect we are" letters and pictures that you read over for 5 seconds and then send out with the recycle on Dec 26.

In chatting with my friend last year about the card embargo, I said something along the lines of "it's not like anyone keeps track..."  She smiled, blushed and replied... "I do".

At the time I giggled to myself in a way that girlfriends do when they are poking fun at each other and didn't give it a second thought.

Fast forward to Christmas 2016.  Apparently Erin is onside with the majority of people who keep a list!!  Last year we easily go 40 cards or so.  This year? 12.

How quickly I have fallen out of favour.  At first I didn't care, but then I started to get annoyed, How fickle are these people that I am ruthlessly scratched off the Christmas card list after a one year hiatus**.

**As a side note, I realize this is wildly hypocritical.

They don't know if I intentionally made the decision to opt out of an overpriced 3-second-soon-to-be-recycled card.  For all they know it could have got lost in the mail, post office could have flooded or perhaps my vehicle broke down on the way to the post office and I was so distraught I forgot to mail them?

Seeing as Erin is my source for this type of greeting card list behavior, I had to circle back in the name of research. Is that the norm?  Is that what keepers of lists do? Apparently Erin has a systematic holiday greeting card algorithm;

  • If you send her a card and she likes you (new friend, coworker etc), you are added to the mailing list (lucky you, because she is quite an awesome person). 
  • If you have knowingly moved on to the holiday party in the sky, you are removed from the list, but not before sending some love and light your way.
  • If you have morphed into a giant d*uchebag over the course of the year, you are unceremoniously removed from the list.

But what does she do with someone who previous held a glorified position on her list who does not send her a card? Ay, there's the rub.

Here is Erin's system.  If you miss out one year, you are given a one year grace period, a benefit of the doubt if you will.  Maybe you ran out of stamps, maybe the card fell between the car seats and it was simply a one off.  However if you miss two years in a row the game has changed.  You have had more than a year to save up the $1.00 required to send her a card and for gawd sake if you've lost two cards in between the seats of your car, what other unspeakable horrors lurk down there?

It is at this point that Erin will mentally thank you for your years of kind consideration and quietly remove you from the register.

This seems far more reasonable and as such I should have received  at least somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 cards.  What this means is that I have been given no grace period, no time to save up some change for a stamp or clean my car.

You know what though?  To use a horrible trite phase; At the end of the doesn't matter how many cards are on my mantle.  The holiday season to me is the warm, festive get togethers with my friends and family, the goofy holiday traditions we keep up, buying that perfect gift I know will make a friend smile.Well that... and a holiday pour of wine and some Toffifee by the fire.

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