Sunday, January 24, 2016

Pure unadulterated honesty

IAt this moment, I have nothing to say.

I am writing this out of pure procrastination.  I do not want to clean my house.

It must be done of course because I am not one of the lucky ladies who has a cleaning service.  So while I type this, I am looking at some obnoxious crumbs glaring at me from my kitchen floor. Crumbly bastards.

The litany of things that I have clean is enough to make me want to walk around the house misting Mr. Clean and be done with it.  At least it would smell like I gave the house a good one over.

Then I have this image in my head of some perfect housewife who's house is always immaculate.  I have friends who tell me that the key to to keeping a perfect house is to make yourself a list of a few chores to do every day, so you never have to clean the whole house at once.  For example, Monday is bathrooms, Tuesday would be sweep/mop, Thursday vacuum.  You get the idea.  I do admire these women and am jealous at their clean houses. By the way, maybe call me about 2 hours before you come over. No reason....

But for those of us who work full time, when you get home and you're bagged after a long day, you don't freaking feel like going up to the chore chart and getting right to it.  Knowing me, that whole program would last one day and then I'd be bumping Tuesday to Wednesday, Wednesday to Thursday and before I knew it, I'd a have full top to bottom cleaning to do on Saturday anyways so what's the point?

I can imagine every 1950s woman reading the above paragraph and weeping for the state of households in 2016.   Whatever ladies.  We can be CEOs now, let's call it a wash.

Logan is at hockey practice right now and Zach is outside shooting pucks.  I have to get dinner going for him, because Brad is going to come home, drop off Logan and then take Zach to practice and I have to make sure Zach is fed.

I really should consider rewording that last sentence because it makes my children sound like gremlins.  Don't feel after midnight!  They eat so much now.  It's beyond anything I could have imagined.  $800 a month in groceries and we consistently run out of things.  I've resorted to buying protein shakes to supplement their regular meals to help fill them up.  Logan is about average height for his 10 years, but he is eating like he's 6 foot one.  The thing is though, with the amount of food they eat you would expect them to be gaining weight.  I suppose they are but they are also stretching out. Their pants are falling down at the waist, but are 3 inches too short in length.  Zach is now approach 5'6" at 12 years old.

In case you were wondering, the average height of a 12 year old boy around 5 foot.  People always smile and say, "he's a growing boy".  Gawd that sentence annoys me.  I mean thank you Captain Obvious, do you want to pay for my groceries? 

Plus, no one tells you that pre-teen boys are gross. Their clothes stink, there are tornadoes of filth.  You could have a perfectly clean kitchen and your 12 year old (or 10 year old for that matter) could go into your kitchen to make a snack and it would look as though someone served thanksgiving for a party of 8. Which reminds me...there is that obnoxious crumb again.

I better get back at it.


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