Saturday, February 26, 2011

How was your day?

Just got an email from my parents in Texas outlining the fantastic time they are having.  The joyous tone to their email caught me a a bad time... here was my response:

Well, glad to hear you're having fun.

Today was by far the worst Saturday I have had in recent memory.

Last night I was cleaning out the cupboards.  I found a bunch of stale dry wheat germ and decided that it wasn't worth keeping.  So in a moment of clarity (insert dramatic eyeroll here), I poured the dry wheat germ down the garburator, thinking that flushing it with water would rinse it out just fine.  Well... yeah. I was a clued into the fact that this might not have been a good idea, when thick-stick-to-your-insides type of cereal started coming out of the other sink.

So in a matter of seconds, the sink was plugged. It was late and the boys are asleep and Brad is away. Awesome.

No problem , I will buy some Draino tomorrow and all will be well.

So I went out at 8 am with the boys and bought 3 Costco size Draino bottles.  Poured the first one down... waited the appropriate amount of time, flushed with water...nothing.  Tried again, this time using the plunger. Nothing. The plunger was difficult because when you plunge one side, water shoots out of the other sink. But it is really difficult to plunge a sink while holding onto the stopper which is getting considerable pressure applied to it.  So I enlisted Zach.  We couldn't get it to work. So I admitted defeat and called Owen.

Owen came over and took a look. We tried plunging again... nothing. But, we discovered that a major ingredient in Draino is bleach, so now both he and I and a large portion of my linen closet are now tye-dyed.

Owen decided to disconnect the sink from the bottom and no water came out at all. A brave soul that he is, he did a finger swipe into the pipe and discovered that wheat germ in copious amounts, mixed with hot water and left to sit overnight in a drain can make a remarkable organic alternative to cement.

Owen went downstairs to see if he could tell how far the clog went. I started digging out the underside of the top part of the pipe when all of a sudden I heard a rather sickening "thwock" type of noise and the top half of the pipe clog came sliding out along with all of the aformentioned bleach water.  The stuff has the consistency of silly putty.  It had formed a perfect foot long mold of the inside of my pipe.

So let's recap where we are at this point.

1. My garburator, sink and first foot and a half of pipe are wheat germ free. 
2. The J bend and the subsequent pipe still has a clog (how far and how much will be a delightful little surprise).  
3. I would venture to say at least 50% of my towels are now tye dyed. Although, if we are looking for a silver lining, a dark navy towel is now swirled with a charming raspberry shade, which truth be told isn't completely unpleasant.
4. I can't use my sink, do dishes or cook as my kitchen has a powerful and unappetizing aroma of Bleach, plus due to this whole extravaganza, I haven't had a chance to go grocery shopping.
5. Owen is leaving for the Rocky Mountains today, so Uncle Bob is coming tomorrow morning at 9 am to see if he can help.

 Yup... there it is. Jump right into my nightmare the water is warm.

Then I realised that I was supposed to go shopping for GG (GG is my Grandmother, GG is what the boys call her, short for Great Grandma) tomorrow. But obviously I will be tied up, so me and the boys pack up and head over to GGs.  Angie took her out this morning to the bank and to pick up a few things.  It seemed only fair that we split the shopping... I was thinking I would just have to run to Walmart, maybe Safeway and that would be it.

How wrong I was.  When I arrived a GGs, there was a list of things to purchase... not one or two... and prioritized, well thought out and aptly labeled "Jodi" list.

So after my craptastic day, I now embarked on the following while enjoying a windchill of -42.

1. First we had to go to the water store and get the water jugs filled.

2. Next up was Blockbuster (not on GGs list, but it was on the way and we had a drop off a movie)

3. Then to Safeway to pick up the first item on the list, toilet paper which was on sale

4. Ah.. yup... false sense of security. That Safeway was sold out, so off we went to a different one.  I picked up two gargantuan packages of the "Sale" toilet paper ( which honestly should last her until 2012) and run back to the car with the boys (it's that type of cold where you RUN to the car).  A quick look at GGs list and and I realised I was only supposed to buy 1 gargantuan package of sale toilet paper. Yay me, I am now the lucky owner of some well priced toilet paper. Fantastic.

5. Off to Sears, as GG got something in the mail and asked me to pick it up.  I didn't pay attention, just put the paper she got in the mail in my purse.  When we get to Sears, I handed the girl the paper and she hands me a Catalogue.  No order. Just the Sears Catalogue.

6. Then it was off to Walmart to find the remaining items on the list. By this point, I am so exhausted and mentally spent that I almost lost the will to live let alone have enough energy to attempt to decipher a cryptic shopping list complete with items written in code.  For your information,
"Pr H Ont" is short for Preparation H Onitment.  Not only did I not know what this was, I enlisted the help of the Pharmacist to help me decipher it.  Once we figured it out, I took a step back and realised I was begging someone to help me find Preparation H and then when we found it was sold out, let out a "OH You've got to be KIDDING ME!".  Yah, that didn't make me look so good.

Finally, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Got into the checkout line. I happen to glance at the couple in front of me and realise that their entire purchase is 65 bottles of Palmolive DishSoap, 5 packages of Poise Pads, Two Chocolate Bars and a magazine. if that doesn't scream "Fun Saturday Night In", I honestly don't know what does.  Whatever, I am not in a position to judge as the contents of my cart at this point don't look so hot either.  The wait in line seems to be taking a long time, so I glance up and realise that the checkout girl is individually typing the prices for each of the 65 bottles of Palmolive. Evidently, the couple in question found that Palmolive was on sale at Zellers, but rather than GO to Zellers, decided it would be much more prudent to go to Walmart and punish the poor sap who was stupid enough to get in line behind them.

Again... Let's recap...

1. Logan is so tired and has been waiting so long that he has falled asleep on a package of GG's Poise Pads.
2. I am wearing bleach stained jeans, looking like a vein is going to pop in my forehead.
3. Zach has decided to ask me "Do you think this was such a good idea?"

No Zach... it wasn't.

Dropped all the stuff off at GG's and then came home. Ordered a Pizza for the boys and I am currently nursing a rather large glass of wine.

But really.... glad to hear that fishing and the BBQ was great.



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